I know I shouldnt...

I know I shouldn't.
I know i shouldnt, but i do.

I wonder.

I waste my countless worthy thoughts
on... you
and where you are...

right now.

As I sit here, the minute before I contemplated writing to you...
i wondered if you were thinking of me too, or perhaps had beat me to it.

But.. alas, you didnt.

I feel like a fool, a fool who doesnt know when or how to give up...
and i wonder sometimes, how long my foolishness will endure before I can completely let go.
It's something bittersweet, ive come to realize. I treasure those moments as much as they hurt me and keep me lingering on. I know they do me no good, except teach me to love more and love better. I once read that the only real love, is the love that lasts forever. And maybe this is what is ailing me, that four letter word called LOVE.

As much as I want it to leave me alone, and quit tormenting me, my thoughts and my daydreams I also DONT.

I see alot of things people dont think I see.
I saw you, I saw it.
I saw it left you.

That's okay, it'll last with me forever, then.
So be it.

I only hope, now... since I know it will not leave me, that it can be with me in peace... and let me go on as well... live harboured in my heart, as something I know, and something I treasure, something I grow. But that it can remain among the love I already have in there for family, friends, and one day my husband and my children.

Goodnight, uneasy mind & heart of mine.
Goodnight, running fingertips...
Goodnight.